Sarah, the Snack Columnist.

I went to work today. I have this ritual where I buy delicious and fattening snacks from the dollar store that’s the next door over. I always buy water, a caffeinated soda (I don’t know why I do this, I never drink them) and some sort of cheesy or sugary snack. Today, I bought a box of cheese whales and these mozzarella stick-chips which are, actually, really good.

I go to the back room a lot during work because I get thirsty easily so I when I’m in mid-sip I read the back of the box, or bag, my snacks are in. And I realized something, I don’t think I’d mind writing being a snack food columnist. It sure beats journalism and, who doesn’t love dollar store cheese whales? Nobody, that’s who. Ahem.

“Since 1455, (hah hah aha I’m SOOOO clever) Grandma’s Frozen Baked Potatoes have been an important American staple. Our potatoes are home grown on the family farm in Montana. Each potato is harvested at the peak of freshness so you don’t miss out on that classic, American potato taste. After we mash them in cottages, owned by Montana’s finest Amish workers, we add toppings like sour cream and chives, cheddar and bacon and many more. Open a box of Grandma’s and you won’t be disappointed”

Yeah, and that’s a first draft. Everyone can suck it.

On another note, people who joke about cancer are the worst. They don’t deserve subscribers, or friends. Cancer has no friends, and neither should you sir ass hat.
Goodbye.